Galatians 2:20

“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

Church camp has always meant so much to me. My sophomore year of high school was when I first realized I wasn’t really living my life fully for Christ. I came home on that classic “camp high,” feeling like my faith had changed in a big way.

Fast forward to my senior year — the theme was Total Surrender. By the end of the week, I was honestly shocked by how many things I still hadn’t fully given over to God. Now, a year later, I’m still learning what it means to actually live in total surrender. That theme came at such a perfect time in my life. I was stepping into a brand-new season and had no idea what to expect.

I think a lot of us can relate to this idea. We’re usually okay handing God certain parts of our lives, but we hold on tight to other parts — thinking we can handle them better ourselves. I know I’ve definitely struggled with that. It’s crazy to think how hesitant I can be to trust God, even though He’s already done so many amazing things in my life that I never could have imagined.

Proverbs 3:5-6

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make straight your paths.”

On the last full day of camp my senior year, the speaker invited us into a time of prayer and said to do whatever felt right — go up to the altar or stay in your seat. I noticed a middle school girl next to me was crying and looked unsure of what to do. I asked her if she wanted me to go up with her, and she said yes.

Once we got to the front, I prayed over her and then gave her a moment alone. I stayed kneeling there with my eyes closed. After the song ended, I looked up to check on her — but she was gone. Suddenly, I realized I was alone at the front and decided to take that moment for myself.

Before camp, I had been offered the chance to be the youth ministry intern for the upcoming year. I had been really struggling with whether or not to say yes. So right then, I prayed: “Lord, this anxiety and anxiousness I feel — it’s yours. I hand it to you. Please give me discernment.”

Almost immediately, I felt this huge wave of peace wash over me. At that moment, I knew God was calling me to take the internship. As I got up and walked back to my seat, I felt so light, like I was floating. I remember thinking, Why didn’t I surrender this sooner?

When we stop trying to lean on our own understanding and actually trust God fully, we realize that life is so much better in His hands. Total surrender isn’t easy, but it’s always worth it.