At the time of this publication, I am 3 days post remembering the 38th anniversary of my father’s death. Seeing that most Rays of Sunshine readers are likely from Southeast Texas, then you also likely know of our family’s story. (And if not, Google can bring you up to speed.)

My father was the Beaumont police officer killed in the line of duty on March 22, 1988. 

Two weeks before my 7th birthday.

I will never forget the chaos of that night. News crews everywhere. Cop cars everywhere. A driveway lined with food. People I had never met talking to me. My PaPaw and MeMaw drove in from Dallas; I can still see his giant, sturdy figure standing in our living room, glued to the tv. My neighbor rocked me. I barely new what was going on, but I knew enough. 

What I didn’t know on that very night was the million, tiny ways God would be working things out for good. If there is one thing that I hold tightly to in suffering, it’s this- you never know whether the bad thing is actually the good thing, so we have to trust God with all things. 

I’d like to tell you just one of those good things that came out of the bad thing. My father’s rookie was John. John’s wife, Staci, would help my mom out with babysitting. One night during the summer after my father died, Staci told me about Jesus. My little 7 year old heart had been through quite a bit in those few months. I had no choice but to mature from 6 to 16 overnight. Somehow, in the midst of the utter upheaval of my life, I understood Jesus because I understood bad guys. The man who killed my father was also accused and later found guilty of the gruesome deaths of 2 teenage girls. But it was my father’s death that put Lockhart in jail. So, here’s how I pieced that together- my father, a good man, had to die so that Michael Lockhart, a bad man, wouldn’t do bad things anymore. Jesus, a good Man, died so that bad people wouldn’t do bad things anymore. While my understanding of salvation has certainly matured from my 7 year old Bad Guys Theology, it was what drew me to Jesus. I wanted this Jesus who would always be with me and came to die for the bad things in this world.

Through my eighth grade Bible class with Sharon Monk, I realized that because I had been forgiven of my sins, I needed to forgive Michael Lockhart for his sin against me. “Forgive one another as Christ has forgiven you…” (Ephesians 4:32). This verse gives no boundaries or stipulations. With the Lord’s help, I was able to forgive this man for taking my father’s life. I wrote to him in prison, telling him about Jesus and that I had forgiven him for what he did. I have no idea if that letter ever made it to him. I know that many people would just assume that a murderer spend eternity in hell. And I get that. But I came to understand that my sin and that of a murderer fall under the same verdict- guilty. If Jesus could cover my sin, then he could cover Lockhart’s, too. I won’t know, this side of heaven, whether Lockhart ever surrendered his life to Christ. He was executed on December 9, 1997. 

I was there. 

So was God. He is not absent when bad things happen. This is a famous argument for people who do not believe in God and a struggle, at best, for many who do. The question isn’t just “why do bad things happen to good people?,” but “why do bad things happen at all?” Find a Bible and read Genesis 3, you’ll see why. But I encourage you to keep reading. If you do, you’ll also see how God rules over all and redeems everything. I used to struggle deeply with the idea of God’s sovereignty when I had experienced something so horrific. But now I take great comfort in it. While I do not know “why” my father was killed, I trust that God does. This piece of my story is still very sad for me, even 38 years later. But it’s also filled with hope as this is a “what you meant for evil, God meant for good” moment. God was there on that night in 1988, He was there on that day in 1997, He is here with me as I write these things today. Not only that, but only God can bring about eternal good for people like me, people like Lockhart, people like you. 

Whatever He has brought you today, remember that you don’t know if this bad thing could be the good thing, so ask Him to help you trust Him with all things.