Author: daisyrayofsunshine

Restoration

When my husband and I got married, I really believed happiness was just one milestone away. When we build a house, I’ll be happy. When we have babies, that will do it. I was always waiting for something or someone to fulfill my happiness. 

After my third baby, postpartum hit me hard. I had no coping mechanisms. I remember laying in bed all day and night, unable to move. My husband would flip the mattress over in the mornings so I would have to physically get out of bed. I finally went to see a psychiatrist, desperate for relief. I walked out with a prescription for Xanax—and I couldn’t believe how fast it changed everything. My mood. My thoughts. My ability to function. I thought this doctor was amazing.

At my next appointment, she added Adderall.

I was shocked at how quickly a couple of pills could “fix” everything I was feeling. I had barely taken medication before, so abusing it never even crossed my mind. We were a good, church-going family. Addicts were people you saw under bridges or in trap houses—not someone like me.

But my life started to spiral fast.

What I learned the hard way is that I am not above anyone. And I very much was an addict. Even saying that word made me cringe.

I did 120 days in rehab—against my will. I truly believed I had just gotten out of control and now I was fine. I thought the love I had for my children would be enough to keep me sober.

It wasn’t.

Since 2021, I’ve had multiple attempts at sobriety. Each one came with more shame. I would look at my sweet babies’ faces and think, How can I love them this much and still not stay sober?

I remember going to AA meetings just to make my husband happy. I’d sit in the very back with a hat pulled down, hoping no one would notice me. At one of those first meetings, I met my sponsor. She gave me her number—and I threw it away on my way out the door.

After one of my many relapses, I finally tried the sponsor idea. She felt different. She felt steady. She became the one person I knew would still be there after every failure. She never gave up on me, even when I gave up on myself.

Addiction is a disease, and one of the cruelest parts is that it convinces you that you don’t have one. That’s hard for normal people to understand. It’s still hard for me to accept.

I carry so much shame and guilt. This isn’t how my life was supposed to go. I was going to be the mom who was always there. Now I sit with my older kids and sometimes don’t even know what to talk about, because I haven’t been present in their lives the way I wanted to be.

I am having to learn that my kids, my husband, and my sponsor are never going to be able to keep me sober. I love them more than anything—but love didn’t save me.

When my husband made me leave, I felt shattered. Now I wake up alone in a one-bedroom apartment, and some mornings I still can’t believe this is my life. The silence is loud. The reality is heavy. I am a broken woman.

And this is where God keeps meeting me—right in my need to control everything.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

Proverbs 3:5–6

I am learning that submission doesn’t mean giving up—it means letting go. Letting go of how I think my marriage should look, how motherhood should feel right now, and how fast healing should happen. I keep trying to take control back, and God keeps asking me to release it again.

Sometimes I surrender the same things over and over in one day.

Coming to terms with being powerless over my addiction has been humbling and painful. I have hurt the people I love the most—my babies and my husband. There are days the grief feels unbearable. Days I wonder if anything can be restored.

The answer I keep coming back to is surrender.

I hold tight to the belief that God is in the restoration business. That He can take the most broken, impossible situations and work them for His good—even when I can’t see it yet.

I am not healed.

I am not fixed.

But today, I am sober.

And today, I choose to trust God with the outcome.

Fulfilled


Every year, Christmas reminds me that our God is faithful and keeps His promises. Long before Jesus was born, God spoke through prophets and promised that a Savior would come. A King who wouldn’t come with riches and luxuries, but with love and salvation. A King who would rescue and restore His people. For generations, they waited, trusted, and hoped, even when the promise felt so distant. And then… God fulfilled it. 


When I reflect on the Christmas story, it brings me so much peace. It reminds me that I don’t have to worry about what is to come. The same God who was faithful then is still faithful now. He fulfilled His promises in Scripture and He is still faithful to fulfill the promises He has spoken over our lives. 


God’s plans are good. 
His promises never fail. 
He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. 
Amen!

Treasure


We read in Luke 2 of the birth of Jesus and his childhood. Twice in this chapter a phrase is repeated about the same person.


In verse 19 it reads “but Mary treasured up all these words, pondering in her heart what they might mean”


And then at the end of the chapter in the latter part of  verse 51, it reads “…but his mother kept all these things in her heart”


Even in the previous chapter, Luke tells us in 1:29 that she is “greatly troubled at the saying and tried to discern what this greeting might be” in response to Gabriel’s greeting to her as “the favored one” or “blessed among women”


We cannot begin to imagine the thoughts she was pondering. To be first greeted as such and then to be given the news that you are to give birth, as a virgin, to the Son of God!


She certainly did have a lot to ponder and treasure in her heart.  She probably didn’t fully grasp what she was called to do or the role she would play.


She would watch the events of the life of her Son, who was 100% God and 100% man, play out for the next 33 years.  In these years she would come to understand those things that she treasured in her heart.


She would watch Him as a pre-teen studying in the midst of amazed learned men in the temple. All the while still having Him under her subjection.


Then would observe Him begin His ministry, do countless miracles, teaching from town to town. But also witness attempts on His life and probably begin to understand how things would play out.


Then have to stand at the cross and watch her human son be crucified. But knowing that He is her God and her Savior and that He would defeat death! 


She ultimately understood the things that she treasured and we can too. We get to see it from the back end of the story.


But treasuring these things in our heart is a good practice. We aren’t called to give birth to the Son of God, but we are called to be His children and to obey Him. Let us focus and ponder that. Let us treasure the good news in our hearts always. And let us tell others about Him!

Waiting


Waiting has never been my natural “strong suit”. Anyone else hearing me on this? Depending on what we are “waiting” on, or praying for, or even “expecting”, it can lead us to overthinking, fear, anxiety, weakened faith. So many times we in our flesh, view waiting as a bad thing. The very truth is that God wants you to THRIVE even in your waiting seasons. He wants us to seek Him and see Him like never before – EVERY TIME ❤️. Learning to wait on God and His timing has been a GAME CHANGER for me in my years. (With many hard learned- tough love lessons in between)


“But they who wait upon the Lord will get new strength. They will rise up with wings like eagles. They will run and not get tired. They will walk and not become weak.” Isaiah 40:31


Waiting-PROTECTS
Waiting-GROWS US
Waiting- Is a PROCESS


God in all His Grace is constantly growing us. He already knows all the things. And sometimes, the very work God is doing in us takes longer than what we are asking Him to do. Read that again – slowly- and then let it soak in. Don’t get me wrong, waiting is typically not fun, because well, we are impatient. And again, it’s a PROCESS. 
We get so caught up on “trying to wait on God”- instead of waiting “with” Him. The Game changer is “God I trust you, You are sufficient- your timing is Perfect. I CHOOSE to wait with you.” 


What He’s preparing for you very well may require a version of yourself that is still growing- that you’re still becoming 🫶🏼. 
So wait with your Heavenly Father, let Him strengthen you, grow you. Look boldly unto Him and embrace the version of yourself He is preparing- to glorify Him. 


“The Lord will always lead you. He will meet the needs of your soul in the dry times and give you strength to your body. You will be like a garden that has enough water, like a well of water that never dries up.” Isaiah 58:11

Leaning in

When someone is truly listening, it shows. There’s eye contact. There’s head nodding. A

good listener doesn’t sit back with crossed arms seemingly distant. They lean in to show

interest, presence, connection. I’ve been thinking about the physical gesture of leaning

in. It’s posture that communicates,

“I’m here. You matter. I care. I’m paying attention.”

This Advent season, we celebrate the birth of our Savior — God leaning into humanity. He

drew near…

“Behold, the virgin shall be with child, and bear a Son, and they shall call

His name Immanuel,” which is translated,

“God with us.” Matthew 1:23.

He leaned into our world, close enough to hold, close enough to see, close enough to

touch.

“And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the

glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth.” John 1:14

God leaned in towards you and I individually because we needed hope. We needed

forgiveness. We needed rescue. We needed restoration.

“For there is born to you this day

in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be the sign to you: You

will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.” Luke 2:11- 13.

May we in this Advent season be reminded that God is near. Wherever we are may we

know that – We matter. He cares. He is paying attention. He is leaning in.

Say yes

About four years ago I received a screenshot of my own writing. 

It was from Carol Joy. 

She wanted me to know that a few times a week she would screenshot my devotionals and send them to parents of her students in hopes to lift their spirits. 

She said, “Always keep writing.” 

She didn’t know, no one did, that I had been praying for God to let me know if I needed to keep that part of my ministry going or not. 

But that’s CJ. 

She was obedient. She was a cheerleader. A joy spreader. She was God’s girl. 

He used her every single day inside the four walls of her classroom and out because she let Him. 

She said yes. 

And that’s why she’s leaving behind the legacy that she is. Ashlee Lewis said it best – Carol Joy is a China Elementary legend.

So today, and every day, be a CJ. 

Say yes to God. 

Spread joy. 

Smile big. 

Compliment someone. 

And laugh. 

And because of Carol Joy, I will always continue to write. 

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness will not overcome it.” John 1:5

Trusting

Trust Him; He knows what He’s doing!

It’s been seven months since I stepped out in faith. Six months since I battled with the Lord in the high school parking lot when he asked me turn down two jobs I knew that were mine if I wanted them. Boy, did I ever feel crazy for doing that?

But here we are all these months later, and I have felt the Lord whisper over and over, “See, I told you so.”

During these 7 months, I have subbed for a teacher who needed to fight for her life, coached two middle school sports, been momma to my kiddos full time, had two kids break themselves in one way or another, and said goodbye to my Pawpaw.

And NONE of that would have happened the way it did without me first saying yes to trusting the Lord’s guidance even when it didn’t make sense.

Proverbs 3:5-6 ——-

Since 9/11/2001, this has been my heart’s Scripture.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean NOT on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.”

I’ve read it a million times. I have held tightly to it when things weren’t going my way. But this time – man, it just hits differently. What I could have missed if I had stayed where I was comfortable…

Do I miss my people? Absolutely. Do I miss the stress? Not one bit.

The Lord knew back in May that this semester would be a wild ride. He knew where I was needed. He knew what would be happening. He knew I would need TIME and that my family would need me. And He knew that I would need those unique moments with 3rd graders at China and middle schoolers at Legacy. And even more, He knew I needed to rest (some).

We have had 5 basketball game days this week…so “some” rest.

He provided a new family that LOVES us. When my baby is on her way to the hospital, they hug me, pray for me, make phone calls and cheer us on. The caretaker is being cared for, and it’s a true blessing.

Trusting the Lord…well, it’s not an easy thing to DO, but seeing how He has moved this past 7 months makes me feel even more confident to do it again. Don’t miss His blessings because you’re scared to take that next step or when it just doesn’t make sense. He sees our tomorrows. He’s already there.

Worry


With the new year approaching comes a lot of change for my husband and me. We’re moving homes and welcoming our first baby, too. These are both exciting things but can also bring a lot of stress and sometimes even worry because my least favorite thing in the world is moving. It can be overwhelming, stressful, and a headache, especially considering I will be 7 months pregnant at the time. My husband can’t wait to move into our new home, but I tend to stress over the little things and worry about how it’s all going to go. 


But my gracious husband daily tells me these words, “God has been so good to us and it’s so evident, so why fear?” And honestly every time he tells me this I start to feel a little guilty because he is right. 


Who am I to fear or worry what the new year will bring, when it is bringing things that we have been praying for? Who am I to fear or worry what the Lord has for us in these next few months when He has already provided all that we have?


We cannot control anything but only how we respond to the Lord’s blessings. 


How are you choosing to respond today? 
Are you going to be like me and start to stress over the little things? Or are you going to be the one who daily knows that the Lord has been good and does not live in fear or worry of what’s to come? 


Remember what 2 Timothy 1:7 says, “for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self control.” 


And Isaiah 41:10, “for do not fear for I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, and I will uphold you with my righteous hand.” 


Remember today and everyday that He is a God who is constantly present, who loves His children, and we should seek to know and glorify Him in every thought, action, and response.

Gaze up


I am thankful for God’s TIMING!!!


I want to encourage everyone, to take some time either before or after reading this, to listen to “Always On Time” by Elevation Worship. The lyrics are so powerful. 
The first verse says “I remember, how you provided, how you held me, through the night. I remember, how you sustained me, when you stepped in, to save my life. If I knew then, what I know now, I would be still, and let you work it out.” This brings me back to the scripture that has gotten me through so so much. It’s short and sweet, but some days, it was the reminder I needed to just breathe in His Grace, so I could get through the day.


Psalm 46:10 “Be STILL and KNOW that I am God.”


Even when we’re standing in the middle of a storm with the wind howling and the world feeling unbearably loud, rest assured, that He hears us. He never misses a single cry from His children. In those moments, it’s easy to feel unseen… like our prayers are getting lost somewhere in the chaos all around us.


Sometimes the weight we’re carrying makes it feel like there may never be a light at the end of the tunnel. But the Lord promises us that there always is, 100% of the time. God has never failed, and He will not start with you. He asks only for a heart turned toward Him and a faith—EVEN IF it’s tiny, trembling, and mustard-seed small.


I’ve learned that storms look different in every life. Some people face one massive, category-five storm that knocks the breath out of them. Others battle a collection of smaller storms that pile up until they feel just as heavy. But no matter the size or the number of the storms we walk through, one thing is certain: every one of us WILL face something. And none of us are meant to face it alone.


In these storms, we have to choose where our eyes rest. This is crucial, and it determines our next steps. If we look around (to the world), we’ll see the waves and destruction. If we look within, we can feel fear, and hopelessness. But if we look UP, we’ll see the One who commands the wind and the waves with just one word. 


Keep your gaze lifted!!!


And EVEN IF every step feels painful, and unbearable, keep moving with Him. Do not stop. Do not give up!!!


His Word WILL strengthen you. His presence WILL carry you. His timing WILL prove perfect. And you WILL make it through—not because you’re strong enough, but because He is.💛


“God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. So we will not fear when earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea”
Psalm 46:1-2


Reflection Question:
Where in your life do you need to look up instead of out, and trust that God is working EVEN IF you can’t see it? 


Today, I encourage you to turn your “what if” into “even if” and watch God work!!! 
If anyone reading this needs someone to talk to, please reach out to me. I believe the Lord allows us to go through storms so that we can help others. I would love to pray with you, talk, or just listen. You are not alone! ❤️


Lord, You see every storm we face, even the ones we don’t have the words to explain. Lift our eyes toward You when fear tries to pull us down. Strengthen our faith, even if it feels small. Remind us that You are our refuge, our peace, and our steady place. Please help us walk through every season with Your Word in our hearts and Your presence beside us. Thank You for being on time, every time. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.


https://youtu.be/H1L6zv_ilzY?si=0UvMW67sX354i7Ta

True thankfulness

In our moments of reflection, particularly during times of gathering, we often feel the quiet ache of absence, remembering those who are no longer with us. Yet, even in this bittersweet space, there is profound cause for thanksgiving. The Apostle Paul, in his letter to the Ephesians, encourages us to give thanks always for all things (Ephesians 5:20). Our thankfulness is not diminished by sorrow; rather, it is enriched by the gift of having loved and been loved. We can give thanks for the laughter that still echoes in our hearts and the memories that time can never erase. These shared moments are lasting treasures, evidence of a love that transcends physical presence and continues to shape our lives.

The life of Jesus provides a powerful example of giving thanks in all circumstances, demonstrating a heart aligned with the Father’s will even amid challenge. Before performing the miracle of raising Lazarus from the dead, Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me” (John 11:41). He gave thanks before the visible manifestation of the miracle, trusting in God’s power and timing. He also gave thanks before the feeding of the five thousand (John 6:11), acknowledging God’s provision even when the resources seemed meager. In these acts, Jesus showed us that gratitude is a posture of faith, an acknowledgment that God is present and active in every situation, providing both for our physical needs and the deep needs of our souls.

This perspective becomes profoundly personal for those of us who carry significant dates on our calendars. Fourteen years ago, our father/ PaPa left this world on Thanksgiving Day. While such a date could easily become a day of somber remembrance, choosing to view it as a moment of profound gratitude reshapes the narrative. We give thanks for the love he shared, the lessons he taught, and the legacy of his presence in our lives. This conscious choice to infuse a potentially painful memory with thankfulness transforms the day into a beautiful tribute, ensuring his spirit lives on not in sorrow, but in the vibrant, enduring power of gratitude.

True thankfulness allows us to embrace the fullness of our human experience—the joy of presence and the pain of absence—and still recognize the hand of God at work. Let us cherish the gift of time we have together, viewing each shared memory as a blessing for which to be truly grateful. As we navigate the seasons of life, may our hearts be filled with gratitude for the enduring power of love and the promise of hope, continually giving thanks for the past that shaped us and the future that awaits, secure in the knowledge that God is good and His mercy endures forever.