Have you ever fallen down really hard? Maybe your mom poured that liquid in a brown bottle on your scraped-up knee? Or maybe you stubbed your toe? Now, what does all of that have in common?

Pain.

All of those examples are about being hurt. I am a very injury prone person, so I know a thing or two about being hurt. But sometimes there is a greater hurt than physical pain. Whether it’s a breakup or maybe people at school or work are rude to you, eventually one day life is going to slap us all in the face.

 11/13/19.

This was the day that changed my life forever. A quick little backstory: Going into my sophomore year of high school my best friend and I committed to training for basketball everyday, and that is exactly what we did. We worked out, we played pickup games, and we practiced our skills. We both made the varsity summer league team, and we both performed very well. We were both told that we would most likely make our school’s varsity team as well.

11/13/19 was a normal Wednesday at WHS. The only twist, it was the day we would find out who made the team. The athletics period came and Logan and I were working out. They called me in and told me I would just be a “practice player”. A practice player meant I didn’t get to play in the games, but I got to run suicides, do drills whenever they let me, and watch the team from the stands. I was shocked and couldn’t believe it. After the period I was sitting in class just thinking to myself, “I know I should be on this team. I’m a good player.”

 All of a sudden, I was called out of that class to go home. Confused, I got in the car with my dad. His face was white as a ghost. We drove over to the elementary school where he told me to stay in this car because I would be driving it home. My baby sister got in the car, and she asked where we were going. As soon as she asked that I saw my mother and father walk out of the building. My mother was crying and my father was holding her. Maggie thankfully didn’t see that. I immediately went into big brother mode and drove to where she couldn’t see my mother crying. That hour drive home was the longest drive of my life. I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know what it was. On top of that I had to act like everything was ok because of Maggie being in the car. We finally arrived at the house and my dad broke the news. My sweet MiMi had passed away.

I was devastated. I had just seen my grandmother two weeks before. Thankfully, I got one of her amazing hugs and got to hear her say “Mavo” one last time.

In one day I was told I wasn’t good enough to make the team and my MiMi had passed away. I was angry with God, and I asked over and over,“How could you do this to me?”

One night I put my Bible up, and I moved my Bible app on my phone to where I could no longer see it. I still went to church, but I never paid attention. I stopped praying and reading my bible. I cut off connection with God. I stopped hanging out with my friends as much, and I pushed everyone I loved and cared about away. I remember there was one night I looked in the mirror and was disgusted. I had grown to hate myself, and I no longer believed in myself. I had officially hit rock bottom.

 After my sophomore year I moved to Hardin-Jefferson, and I decided I was going to try out for the basketball team. On paper I didn’t stand a chance to make the team. HJ is a prestigious basketball program with multiple state championships, state ranked in 4A, and they make the playoffs every year. So if I couldn’t make the team at a smaller school how could I make it here? I tried out and not only did I make it, but I had the best season ever. None of it would have been possible without Coach Paul Sims. Coach Sims brought me out of the dark place I was in, and when he showed me that he believed in me and that he had confidence that I could produce at a high level for his basketball team, I started to believe in myself again. I started to love myself and life again. For Coach Sims I am forever grateful, but don’t ever call him Paul because he will make you run suicides for it.

 While I did start to enjoy my life again I still had so much anger and hurt towards God. I also had no relationship with him. The summer going into my senior year I went to church camp, but I didn’t learn a thing. I just went to hang out with my friends. Then, on November 9, 2021 HJ was playing against my old school in basketball. With seven minutes to go in the game I finally got to check in. As I was walking on to the court I remember seeing the clock and seeing 7 minutes to go and thinking to myself, “Huh, MiMi was born on March 7th.” I brushed it off and started to focus on the game. I proceeded to have one of the best games I had ever played. On our last offensive possession I caught the ball at the top of the three point line and I shot and swished it. As soon as it went through I saw the clock and time froze for me. There was seven seconds left on the clock, again my MiMi was born on March 7th. Then I heard thirteen in my head. I realized that I had scored thirteen points, and I immediately thought back to 11/13/19. In my head I was thinking, “11/13/19. Holy cow! I scored thirteen points, thirteen, thirteen.” Then out of nowhere for the first time in two years I felt God’s presence. All of the pain, suffering, and anger it all just went away. It truly was the biggest weight lifted off of my chest and shoulders. Reality came back and a player for my former school shot. I grabbed the rebound as time expired, and for a split second as I held the ball I thought, “Thank you.” I was swarmed by my teammates. We were all jumping up and down and celebrating for the game we had just played. When we got back to the school I opened up my bible app for the first time in two years. I randomly selected a verse and it was Hebrews 13:8 which says, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Fast forward to today I read my bible and I pray everyday, and my relationship with God is great!

I realized that God never abandoned me like I thought he did. The incredible thing is he never has, and he never will. I wish I knew that back then so I didn’t have to go through everything I went through alone. But now that I know what I know, I can help people realize that they don’t have to go through tough times alone. I am hoping that by people reading this they realize that no matter how big the problem is, whether it’s someone passing away, bills, relationships, or work God will never leave your side. He will help you get through it. God never abandoned me, and he never will abandon you!

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

Much of our lives are spent seeking worldly treasures to sustain our lives, the American dream, the house, the car, the friends, the vacation, the lifestyle, the shoes, the job, the success, the family. In many circumstances there’s nothing wrong with having aspirations to attain many of these treasures, however, as a child of God, a follower of Christ, sometimes the Lord places us in situations and circumstances to exercise our reliance upon him through deviant decisions so that his work, power, and testimony can be made known through our lives.

In Daniel 1 we see Nebuchadnezzar besiege the tribe of Judah and carry them to Babylon. There he takes articles from the temple of God and places them in the temples of his gods. He then does the same with the Lord’s children. He took young men from the tribe of Judah, skillful in all areas and best looking, and put them in his kingdom to train and teach and serve his empire. King Neb favors these men and gives them the royal treatment, they were to be trained in language and literature and given a daily amount of food and wine from the kings table; they were to be treated as royalty. What an honor that after being besieged, to have now been chosen, favored, allowed to work and train in the house of the King. These young men were assigned access to the greatest of foods, greatest of drink, greatest of intellectual teachings, and yet because of their foundational love for the presence of God, they chose not to indulge in the lavish appetite provided by the king. Verse 8 says 8 But Daniel resolved not to defile himself with the royal food and wine.

You see, just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. Friends, the Lord has called us to a life set apart. The King’s food and drink, was it bad? Was it blatantly wild or unpure? Was it something one would look at and scoff at because it was ‘sinful.’ There were a few meat challenges, but other than that, it wasn’t. From all worldly perspective, it made complete sense for them to eat the diet necessary to allow their bodies to grow in strength and power, however, Daniel felt that accepting the kings food meant he was accepting his patronage or friendship, his dependency on the king for the sustenance of his being. Daniel knew that although he was chosen to live in the world of Neb, he was not going to put his dependence on the king, but rather depend on God for the nourishment of his body. Scripture says that “15 At the end of the ten days they looked healthier and better nourished than any of the young men who ate the royal food.” “17 To these four young men God gave knowledge and understanding of all kinds of literature and learning. And Daniel could understand visions and dreams of all kinds.” (Daniel 1:15-17)

Friend, just because you can run with ‘those people’ doesn’t mean you should. Just because you can spend your money however you’d like doesn’t mean you should. Just because you’ve been offered the promotion doesn’t mean you should. Just because you’re of age to indulge may not mean you should. Just because you can watch the TV show doesn’t mean you should. Satan deceives us into sacrificing the treasures of God on the altar of Worldly desire. The Lord has called you, set you apart for a purpose, and although many of your decisions my seem misunderstood by others, the Lord honors your faithfulness and reverence. Be encouraged that the Lord can do more with our small offerings of faithfulness than the world can do in a lifetime.

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

Brittnee Barnes

“If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.”

Galatians 5:25

Atmosphere.

“It’s hot in here, I said it’s hot in here. There must some lions in the atmosphere”

If you are a Kountze kid of a certain era you can hear a sweet mom chanting that. She single handedly changed the atmosphere in many a gym.

Atmosphere is important. It can mean life or death. As Christians we need to be aware of our personal atmosphere. What am I saying? What am I watching 👀? What/who am I listening to? Is it an atmosphere Holy Spirit would choose to operate in? Is it an atmosphere that matches who we say we are? If what I say and what I do don’t match, then my witness is worthless.

Once we start aligning our personal atmosphere with Jesus we need to consider how it affects the corporate atmosphere of church. What am I bringing to the worship table? Is it my all? My best?

Am I draining the atmosphere with my less than stellar attitude, or am I attacking the atmosphere and driving back the darkness with my praise and worship?

I heard a message recently and the preacher said if we let our atmosphere slide, it becomes a climate and if we don’t address the climate it becomes a culture.

That’s scary.

What culture do I want around me? It starts with the atmosphere I accept.

Take a trip with me to the “Cross”. How do you feel when you go there ? Every… single… time I take this trip (whether in worship, reading, praying, or just the stillness of a moment),

I am filled with so much emotion. An overwhelming gratefulness that I know I don’t fully understand because of Jesus’ absolute perfection and holiness. His love for you and me is unconditional, and we do not earn His grace on that Cross and through eternity.

I’ve rebelled, fail daily, have made horrible choices. I’ve also prayed, begged, pleaded for, wept for, and worshipped for God’s grace / sobbing in the midst of deep appreciation for Him redeeming me.

But what do we do when someone else rebels, fails, or makes horrible choices? Choices that hurt you or someone you love? Someone that you don’t feel deserves your grace and forgiveness – just as you or I don’t deserve His.

Like, whoa… wait Kristy, right? That heartache still stings, that pain is still there, those hurt feelings are still interrupting my sleep and using my brain for a playground. Yeah, I know… I get it. But, with grace and forgiveness there is no middle ground. We either apply God’s grace or we step off into a nasty journey of bitterness. And well, bitterness is TRAGIC, destructive, and more painful, more hurtful, more heartache, and the very opposite of what Jesus did for us all on the cross.

Friend, the grace from the cross was not meant for us to be greedy with. It’s to be poured out as Jesus did. I’m not saying it will be easy. It’s not deserving (for any of us), and not usually the prettiest circumstances. But…but, have no doubt sister, Christ forgave you and me far beyond what we deserve, and He forgives others the same. Be intentional, be determined, not to fall short of the grace of God because you wouldn’t share that grace yourself. ♥️

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this not from yourselves, it is a gift of God.” Eph. 2:8

“To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven”

Ecclesiastes 3:1

Winter is not my favorite season. There, I said it. I am not a fan of it in the natural (and definitely not spiritually). I miss the greenery and the flowers. I miss the warmth of the sun. I miss the activity of warmer months. I even miss my skin feeling softer.

Winter is gray, cold, slow, and seemingly lifeless. But, there is a purpose for it. Both in the physical and in the spiritual.

I am pretty certain I am finding myself in a winter season in my walk with the Lord and it’s been very hard not to feel like a failure because the joy and the fire isn’t the same as it was during the summer. I understand you can’t always be in bloom but when it seems everyone around you is in a much warmer season with Jesus, it’s hard not feel like you’ve done something wrong. I’ve questioned if I’ve gotten off somehow and “how do I fix this” and the answer is always the same: rest. Or “be still”. Or there is simply silence. He is encouraging a quiet spirit within me. And I was pretty hopeless in this time, feeling like I wasn’t “getting it” or that it would ever change, but while working on this devotional I kept coming back to this verse — to the theme of time — and even verse 11 of the same chapter:

“He has made everything beautiful in its time”

But how can this season be beautiful?

How does this season do any good?

What purpose does winter really have?

So I researched. Winter comes from an old Germanic word meaning “time of water”, this refers to the rain or snow we have during this season. (There’s definitely tears!) It is also associated with dormancy, especially in regards to crops — some plants die leaving seeds behind and others merely cease growth until spring. Surprisingly, earth is also closest to the sun in winter. In the natural, winter has its benefits for growth in the coming seasons — many berry bushes and some fruit trees require a period of rest each winter to prepare to produce fruit the following spring and summer.

I hope you catch all this in the spirit!

This season of winter I am in with Jesus, is for future growth and fruitfulness. A need for rest as preparation that only He can see. A pace only He knows to set. A way to tend to me and my heart with a wisdom only He obtains. And, because He is tending to me, a time when He is closest to me.

Wow. Okay, I needed to know that. Perhaps now, I won’t fight Him on what He has been speaking. And I can lean into the beauty this “barren” season has. I can let the ground rest for whatever He is cultivating. In time, I will see what purpose this season had; I will see a harvest. I will discover how beautiful it truly is. And that is hope to my heart. To my spirit.

This season will not last forever. I can’t guarantee myself it will last the length of a natural season, but I know when it’s time is up, there will be growth. There will be “flowers”. There will be fruit. And it will be beautiful. It IS beautiful. Because God is the Master Gardener, and He tends to our growth — our fruitfulness — perfectly! Just as perfectly as nature is tended.

So, I don’t know about you, but I am going to let Jesus take His time in this season I find myself in to perfect whatever He needs to within me for a future only He can see. And may this encourage you if you find yourself in a similar season to trust His hand tending to your heart and to your life. He is closest to you in the “coldest” seasons. There is a timing and a beauty for each season, my friend. May we find the beauty of this time we are in. And let me leave you with lyrics from a song called “let the ground rest” by an artist named Chris Renzema that has blessed my heart in this time:

“Just let the ground rest cause if it’s not right now, it’s for the best. You’re gonna grow, I know this, but for now just let the ground rest.”

I’d like to tell you a story about a little girl. The little girl had taken swimming lessons for years but did not like them. She wasn’t afraid of swimming, but she was afraid of drowning. Every time she went to swimming lessons she would be gripped with fear. She had panic attacks, she cried and threw fits. She even made herself throw up. As she grew older the fear only seemed to grow. Her mother and her teachers encouraged her, prayed with her, employed tough love, and her mom even shed a few tears of her own, behind closed doors.  One day, after a particularly turbulent lesson, on the way home the mom shared that fear was not from God. Satan was the author of chaos who spreads fear and lies and discontent. The mother asked her daughter who she wanted to listen to, Satan or God? The little girl said she wanted to listen to God, but she really didn’t want to do swimming lessons. The next day, the mom and her daughter prayed and rocked some praise music all the way to her lesson. When they arrived at the pool, the little girl got into the water and did all the teacher asked. The teacher, astonished, told the little girl she was proud of her and asked what had happened to bring about the change in attitude about swimming lessons. The little girl responded, “I kicked Satan out of my brain and kicked God in, and now I can swim.” Thereafter the little girl excelled in her lessons, and even went on to swim in her neighborhood’s swim team. God is so, so good.

The moral of the story? Listen to you mother!!! I’m just joking! But really, if your mom offers you Godly counsel, you probably should listen. Y’all, I happen to be the mom in this story. I shared the truth that God shared with me, and my daughter lived out that truth. God is bigger than your fears. You can conquer your fears. You may not want to do the scary thing, but with faith in God, you can do the hard things, the scary things, the seemingly insurmountable things. God is so, so good!

Confession time. I live in an almost constant state of anxiety and fear. I fear bad things happening to those I love. I fear physical discomfort. I fear judgement from others. I fear change. I fear not being enough, as a Christian, as a wife, as a mother, as a daughter, as a sister, as a teacher. Why did I give my own daughter such good advice for her life, but fail to live out that same advice? Well, I think it is easier to tell someone a truth you know than it is to live out that same truth. We always try to give good and Godly advice to those we love because we know how worth it they are, and we want to see those we care about live abundantly! We need to take our own advice. I’m not there yet, but I’m trying! 

So, when those moments of fear seize me, I try to follow a few simple steps.

1. Pause. Recognize your fear. It is real. Then remind yourself that fear and dread are not from God. 1 John tells us that ‘There is no fear in love. But perfect love casts out fear…’ God’s love is perfect. He lives within me as a Christian. His perfect love can cast out my fear.

2. Ask God to allow you to see the situations through his eyes. I am not trying to minimize anyone’s feelings or the tough situations that inevitably come along, but I have found that when I try to see my problem through a Biblical lens rater than a worldly one, they always seem less daunting. 

3. Lastly, Pray for God to be with you. 

In Psalm 56:3, David writes, “When I am afraid, I will put my faith and trust in you.” That literally translates from Hebrew to mean “On the day that I am afraid (cry out), I will put my faith and trust in you.” David knew he would face fear. He recognized it, and asked called out to God. 

Maybe you don’t have a fear problem, Just know, if you do, you are not alone. And rest assured, while we may never perfectly let go of all fear on this side of Heaven, we can put our faith and trust in God. He is so, so good.